Breast is best

These two ads are from different parts of the US. Apparently it's a common theme. *gag* Ew.

Milking Mothers let me help you relieve that Stress

Hello, are you a mom who is making too much milk? I know it can be very painful if it’s not released. I would love to assist you in that process. I’ve had a fetish for breast milk for a long time. Looking to help a lactating mother out. This can be strickly a relief thing and nothing more. Or if your interested in persuing a more romantic and naughty arrangement that is acceptible too. Ultimately seeking to help you relieve your stress and have some fun in the process. I’m a 39 year old male. Very safe, clean and DISCREET! If you could use the help and looking for someone who would relish the opportunity to assist you then drop me a line. Have a great day

ARE YOU PREGNANT? LACTATING? NEED HELP ? -

Maybe we can help each other? Bills?

I am a very discreet professional gentleman and I am looking for a woman that has milky breasts and will allow me to suckle those breasts. I want the experience at least once in my life. I want to know what it tastes like. Is it sweet, tart, salty, etc? What is the consistency? I would be happy to pay for the milk if it will help you. If you would like more than me sucking your breasts then maybe we can help each other. Not far from Portland, Augusta, Freeport, Brunswick, Lewiston, Auburn, Lisbon .......... TELL ME HOW I CAN HELP YOU


Silly men. Don't they know that boob juice is for BABIES?!?!

MICK! Again.

My pal Mick is back again. Apparently his last ad was not successful (I can't imagine why) so he posted this today:

MICHAEL HI LIKE TO FINE A LOVER,A FRIEND, WHO LIKES LOVING ARMS AROUND HER DAY AND NIGHT TO,AND A GIRL WHO LOVES TO BE IN LOVE WITH HER MAN FOR ALL TIMES,I AM HONEST,CARING 6'1 TALL 174LBS VERY FIT AS YOU LOOK AT MY BODY PICTURES YOU SEE THAT IS TRUE!! AND I LOVE TO MAKE A GIRL A SEXY WOMAN HOT ALL NIGHT LONG IN BED OF WET AND HOT SHEETS AS WE LAY WITH ONE BODY SO IN LOVE YOU AND ME! I LOVE TO FINE A GIRL A SEX WOMAN WHO ALL WAYS WANTS MORE! FROM HER MAN WITH GOOD HEART FOR A GUY TO TAKE CARE OF HER IN LOVING ARMS AND LIKE A PRINCESS IN MY ARMS AROUND HER, I DON'T DRINK OR SMOKE SO I HOPE YOU DONT TOO!!! A GIRL WITH LOVING HEART AND SOUL TO LOVE THIS MAN FOR ALL TIMES WITH LOVE WALKS IN HAND IN HAND ON A MOONLIGHT NIGHT WITH JUST YOU AND ME,AND A WOMAN MADE FOR A GUY WITH LOVE JUST A GIRL EYES TO SEE ME AS HER PRINCE TO,A LADY, WITH LOVE IN HER EYES FOR ONLY ME. MLGUNTER/A/TCHARTER.NET MICK! WRITE ME SOON AS TIME WITHOUT LOVE IN THIS WORLD IT'S SO SAD TO DO IT ALONE AND IT SO CRUL TO AS LOVE JUST FADES AWAY IN US TO, AS I KNOW JUST DON'T WANT TO DO IT ALONE YOU KNOW ANY WAY [ HEY WITH OUT LOVE THERE WITH ME HOLDING YOU WELL [ IT'S SO CRUL TO BE ALONE WITHOUT YOU. MICK


There were photos again, but they were the same as before so I'm not gonna repeat post them.

I actually emailed this guy and offered to edit his ad or rewrite it for him for free. I explained that because CL is a text based forum, posting an ad that is poorly spelled and punctuated is akin to showing up for a first date with raging halitosis, unbrushed hair and wearing filthy sweatpants.

He didn't respond.

More gril madness.

Again from Craigslist:

grils wanted - 29, Wasilla

Hows it going im 6ft 230 brown hair and eyez im looking 4 a woman that is not the jelis type that is not afrade to dress sexy im 29 so id like my gril 2 b 29 or younger send me a pic we can have a drink and c what happends


Call me wicked, but I couldn't resist responding to his ad. I sent him an email:

I'm having trouble understanding your ad. You said you're looking for grils, but you've posted in the 'men for women' personals section. Grils are usually found in the household or outdoors sections. Are you looking for gas, or charcoal grils?

Also, what is 'jelis', and why do you want a gril to be dressed sexy? Grils don't wear clothes, they'd catch on fire.

I hope you can clear up my confusion.


If I get a response I'll be sure to post it.

Wait, you want me to clean it, too?

From the local classified ads:

For Sale. Big, black, Weber Charcoal grill. Has all parts. Would need to clean grill.


Nice.

Eww. Just eww.

Today's dose of WTF-ery comes from CraigsList (again):

looking for descreet relationship

married male looking for descreet relationship with fun female !!! any body type not picky just enjoy someone fun . Im 5'10 blonde blue eyes and hwp and decent looking as well.Im very easygoing and easy to talk to as well as love role play or whatever you may enjoy im open to your needs and dont have any expectations and always polite.dont be shy give me a shout.



I don't think that any commentary I could add would truly do that photo justice. All I can think of right now is 'EWW'.

Really. EWW.

Obtuse or right?

Once again, CL comes through with some stellar WTF-ery:

were is my angle of death?

im looking for a kick as rockin out punk goth or rocker chick tha is there own person and f*^% what everyone else thinks.tattos make you hot and if you ride your own bike well that just gets me going. i like to ride my harley play in my mud truck or any thing else fun i want a chick who likes to have fun no matter what you can find me on myspacer under *********sport lets see if you got what it takes im 5'7" blue eyes blonde hair if i dont shave it off


Umm...I'm pretty sure I have what it takes, Sparky. However, it's clear that you do not. I mean, what grown man in modern America doesn't know that there's an 'h' in 'where'?

Yeah, you know what? Don't answer that.